is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
