I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
