He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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