so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
