do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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