Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
