Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
