My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
