Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
