wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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