Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think my moral compass just broke
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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