3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
