Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
