I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize