i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
