I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
