I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
