Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

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  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (2244) Bad night (523)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.

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  (678): Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again. http://tfl.nu/y1d0
  Replies (32) Good night (1232) Bad night (6140)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty

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  (856): Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty http://tfl.nu/h187
  Replies (14) Good night (782) Bad night (3179)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

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  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9699) Bad night (1659)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

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  (586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh
  Replies (13) Good night (7617) Bad night (991)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6144) Bad night (1787)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

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  (704): I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying. http://tfl.nu/un4v
  Replies (25) Good night (1271) Bad night (9637)
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  (094): View more from

  After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.

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  (094): After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while. http://tfl.nu/x4in
  Replies (3) Good night (2730) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick

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  (774): Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick http://tfl.nu/t99o
  Replies (6) Good night (2257) Bad night (749)
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  (455): View more from

  As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."

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  (455): As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time." http://tfl.nu/cmn4
  Replies (10) Good night (548) Bad night (2116)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio

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  (302): Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio http://tfl.nu/5lxt
  Replies (9) Good night (1966) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.

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  (252): A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place. http://tfl.nu/7ilw
  Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.

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  (724): I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout. http://tfl.nu/bypz
  Replies (3) Good night (762) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.

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  (719): your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well. http://tfl.nu/esbu
  Replies (5) Good night (991) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  what are you going as for halloween?

  (805): View more from California

  drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable

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  (818): what are you going as for halloween? (805): drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable http://tfl.nu/bmlt
  Replies (5) Good night (852) Bad night (146)

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