Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
