He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?