Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.

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(480): oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper. http://tfl.nu/sodt

Replies (18) Good night (641) Bad night (1272)
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(516): View more from New York

you left your dildo in my car

(516): View more from New York

rules of finders keepers apply

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(516): you left your dildo in my car (516): rules of finders keepers apply http://tfl.nu/0377

Replies (20) Good night (3647) Bad night (1381)
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(703): View more from Virginia

swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

(202): View more from Washington, DC

buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

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(703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr

Replies (34) Good night (15998) Bad night (1197)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown

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(973): well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown http://tfl.nu/5h35

Replies (14) Good night (856) Bad night (6557)
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(519): View more from Ontario

We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

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(519): We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on http://tfl.nu/80ye

Replies (12) Good night (3794) Bad night (1970)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.

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(910): I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive. http://tfl.nu/9t3w

Replies (13) Good night (4487) Bad night (1056)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression

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(+44): You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression http://tfl.nu/vpko

Replies (3) Good night (1086) Bad night (3035)
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(937): View more from Ohio

She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy

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(937): She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy http://tfl.nu/3zlc

Replies (9) Good night (1207) Bad night (3036)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.

(847): View more from Illinois

It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.

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(847): Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic. (847): It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word. http://tfl.nu/kmzp

Replies (10) Good night (2802) Bad night (885)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.

(847): View more from Illinois

Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.

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(262): I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state. (847): Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it. http://tfl.nu/q5kp

Replies (7) Good night (944) Bad night (2299)
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(305): View more from Florida

I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.

(954): View more from Florida

It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.

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(305): I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight. (954): It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse. http://tfl.nu/qkdj

Replies (7) Good night (1329) Bad night (778)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on

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(508): he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on http://tfl.nu/t183

Replies (5) Good night (979) Bad night (402)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr

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(570): I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr http://tfl.nu/s0ny

Replies (2) Good night (573) Bad night (292)
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(734): View more from Michigan

You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.

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(734): You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo. http://tfl.nu/r2ob

Replies (0) Good night (314) Bad night (403)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine

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(937): I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine http://tfl.nu/8o8e

Replies (1) Good night (627) Bad night (279)

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