Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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