Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
