see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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