I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.