Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
