somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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