This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
