there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
