You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
