I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
