I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"it" just moved
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
