He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
