Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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  (425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm
  Replies (48) Good night (669) Bad night (3429)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.

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  (612): I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling. http://tfl.nu/2ybr
  Replies (8) Good night (4341) Bad night (467)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park

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  (610): my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park http://tfl.nu/hm3c
  Replies (23) Good night (1235) Bad night (5324)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4235) Bad night (1018)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.

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  (901): I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism. http://tfl.nu/eczv
  Replies (3) Good night (3110) Bad night (1245)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?

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  (316): i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up? http://tfl.nu/ciml
  Replies (25) Good night (1067) Bad night (3261)
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  (310): View more from California

  I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame

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  (310): I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame http://tfl.nu/qjff
  Replies (14) Good night (3369) Bad night (1076)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"

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  (604): Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer," http://tfl.nu/po39
  Replies (6) Good night (2759) Bad night (605)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"

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  (252): she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN" http://tfl.nu/vt0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1177) Bad night (644)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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  (941): I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies. http://tfl.nu/7vuv
  Replies (4) Good night (1460) Bad night (551)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there

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  (509): he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there http://tfl.nu/265p
  Replies (7) Good night (1461) Bad night (486)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.

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  (520): Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/speg
  Replies (11) Good night (1106) Bad night (491)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.

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  (317): This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new. http://tfl.nu/2l1q
  Replies (1) Good night (717) Bad night (340)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids

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  (435): Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids http://tfl.nu/id5c
  Replies (13) Good night (1184) Bad night (436)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...

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  (312): I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE... http://tfl.nu/ssdd
  Replies (2) Good night (263) Bad night (519)

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