Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.

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  (734): I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore. http://tfl.nu/34d1
  Replies (12) Good night (3828) Bad night (670)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

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  (301): All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order. http://tfl.nu/n0bh
  Replies (12) Good night (888) Bad night (3666)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.

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  (484): In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas. http://tfl.nu/7vr2
  Replies (11) Good night (3336) Bad night (1335)
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  (949): View more from California

  the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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  (949): the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed. http://tfl.nu/zkih
  Replies (11) Good night (948) Bad night (2527)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit

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  (405): You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit http://tfl.nu/wkkh
  Replies (8) Good night (2301) Bad night (970)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball

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  (412): just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball http://tfl.nu/dojj
  Replies (9) Good night (829) Bad night (1422)
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  (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

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  (714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w
  Replies (12) Good night (3996) Bad night (833)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university

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  (+44): He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university http://tfl.nu/5znd
  Replies (11) Good night (2720) Bad night (534)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

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  (303): I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g3e8
  Replies (4) Good night (1063) Bad night (434)
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  (760): View more from California

  so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.

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  (760): so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up. http://tfl.nu/rvmx
  Replies (6) Good night (1198) Bad night (596)
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  (631): View more from New York

  They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !

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  (631): They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real ! http://tfl.nu/8frh
  Replies (5) Good night (911) Bad night (441)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'

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  (410): I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like' http://tfl.nu/uuvy
  Replies (5) Good night (451) Bad night (483)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.

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  (248): Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good. http://tfl.nu/i36t
  Replies (1) Good night (318) Bad night (486)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.

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  (734): So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return. http://tfl.nu/kh9h
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (316)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid

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  (604): Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid http://tfl.nu/spz2
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (282)

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