she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.