I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
