Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.