You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
