I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
