What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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