She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.