Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.