You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.