i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
