redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
