I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
