Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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