I wannas sexs uuuuu
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
