I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
