my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
