roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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