I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He did a backflip because drugs
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize