there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
