Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
