Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
