There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
