How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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