Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
