Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
