i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
