nut hugger
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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