Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
