He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
