At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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