i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
