You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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