One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
