god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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