oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
