I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
