After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
