I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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