But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
