I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
