im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
