ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
