he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
