Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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